We all have the potential to create our own little hells, don't we? We can complain about them, suffer from them, but yet refuse to tear them down and create a more positive place to dwell. Somehow these hells we create for ourselves also give us a comfort in their familiarity. We know what to expect, how to feel, even though we may hate it - no high expectations and therefore no added disappointments.. Or, we just might enjoy the suffering and letting others see us suffer so we can feel justified in our paralysis and inaction.
What are some examples of these little hells? They can be endless, but here are a few:
* Extreme debt. The GRACE version entails dealing with the present situation . Being proactive by taking a look at your numbers, your absolute needs versus wants, saving habits versus spending habits and prioritizing your bills and paying them in the appropriate order. This version entails embracing the changes that must be made in general lifestyle alterations and the type and frequency of work that must be adopted. These alterations don't necessarily mean that people were out of line at the time before debt, but sometimes life throws hard balls, such as job loss, health issues etc. And due to no fault of our own, YES, lifestyle changes need to be made. It's just facing what the reality is at the current moment. This is the time spouses and partners need to pull together even more to support and encourage one another.
The HELL version is to blame everyone BUT yourself, be sour, do nothing, retreat, and just sink into an endless amount of self-pity and sorrow. This is the scene where marriages and relationships break apart, and the worst possible financial consequences result because reality was not faced, but denied and no plan of action was created or carried out. Here is where some might bury their sorrows in alcohol or drugs or worse.
*You are the long-term, full-time care giver for a loved one. In the GRACE version you do all you can for your
loved one physically, and emotionally with a loving attitude BUT at the same time, you take care of yourself. You make the effort to find some relief from your on-site duties to go and exercise, have lunch with a friend, go for a walk, go to a movie, and feed your spiritual life. In other words, YOU have a life too. This isn't easy, I know, I've been there, but it can be done! Now, take a look at Hell!
In Hell, you're convincing yourself that YOU'RE the only person capable of caring for your loved one at all times (or you're allowing your loved one to convince you of this). Therefore, you never or very rarely leave their side. By doing this you either exhaust yourself, or grow bitter, or both!! Plus, you become unrecognizable to the other loved ones in your life and you fail to take care of the regular duties of life because you lack energy, motivation and anyway your loved one needs you right there by their side, so how could you do ANYTHING else? .Right? Wrong!!!
* You HATE your job! The GRACE version will include you taking the time to examine WHAT it is that you hate. Is it something that you can control? (Could you get more training in the skills needed to do the job successfully? Have you asked for help?) If so, you take steps to change your situation there on the job, knowing that it is a process and that it takes time, but you have hope and faith. Well maybe you decide, NO, it's not that. It's the fact that the work itself is totally deadening to your human soul!! If so, then you need to figure WHAT will liven your soul, or at least NOT kill it! You then research other options; you talk to people; you let others know you're searching for other opportunities. Other opportunities could exist within the company you're working for or outside of it.
Then there is always the dark but comfortable version, you're own personal HELL.. Here you might suffer silently with headaches, stomach aches, and mental stress. Here your attitude would be down about 80% of the time at least. You would not seek to expand your options or seek help. All you could manage to do would be to complain to anyone who would listen, maybe at home, with friends, or even strangers in line at the store. Comfort could be sought in many different ways, depending on the person such as in alcohol, drugs, bad relationships, gambling, or tons of bad for you food, because you 'deserve it', given all that you put up with throughout the day.
Just these very few examples, make my point, but there is another critical thought to keep in mind. If you feel you DO desperately want to get out of your funk or personal little hell, and it just seems to be a too overwhelming task, then , please, seek help. First your regular doctor would be a great start to rule out any physical issues, then she/ he can refer you from there. If therapy is not recommended, or not appreciated , then a life coach might be your ticket. If your desire is earnest and your attitude WANTs to improve, whatever positive path you decide to take should bear good fruit for your life. The essential point is to DO something positive right now!!
I know life is not full of marsh mellows and candy canes, but it's the only life we have on this earth, so why not work to make it as positive, and life-giving as possible for both yourself and the others around you? Yes, there is some comfort in familiarity, even in a state of misery BUT, if you can move your bones, and shake the cobwebs out of your brain, and start doing something about your situation I BET you will remember how much better and EMPOWERING it feels to take action and more control over your own life for the good.
This is what I mean by gathering your Pearl Moments, but I didn't say it would be easy. :)