Phew! This past week I just got through a very stressful and challenging event with my young adult daughter. She got into an accident (not too bad) with our van on I94 expressway just
leaving Ann Arbor at rush hour. Thank goodness she and the other person were not injured, but my heart went out to her. Of course she was quite shaken up, and frightened. When you are in that state, it’s hard to gather your wits to first, find the immediate things needed (registration, insurance) second, to just keep it together to figure out what other tasks need to be done and
then, to DO them!
Despite the initial tears and confusion, she did GREAT, and I do believe this turned out to be a valuable learning experience on a variety of levels. One was the opportunity to see that she could handle this. My initial reaction was, “I’ll be right there!” but good for her, she declined that type of support. Instead, we stayed in close contact via phone and text, just making sure she took care of all necessary steps. Second, I know this impressed upon her even more that bad things can happen so stay EXTRA alert and EXTRA cautious when possible. Third, she could still drive! She forced herself right back into the “saddle” and drove the van further into Ann Arbor to the body shop. There were no cries for rescue. I met her there, we took care of the business and then I drove us home.
My baby girl looked like a wreck, but she kept going!! She knew that she had to follow up with the insurance and she did!! She knew she had to follow up with her dad, and she did!! That might have been the hardest part of the entire situation for her, but she did it and because SHE owned up to it instead of having Mama come in as referee, it all turned out MUCH more pleasant for everyone.
A big lesson learned on my end was this: Taking care of your young adult child, while it always means that we encourage and give advice, it does NOT mean that we should run to their side and take over the hard part of dealing with the difficult situations that they find themselves in. Allowing them, even insisting on them to deal with the uncomfortable, the scary and the unknown affords them more dignity and confidence in the end.